I have been dealing with personal drama, which to a degree became my own baggage- useless weight that was dropped on me because I cared. There is flame wars happening on all sides of me, having a hard time reaching out to friends and not having an outlet of communication cut off… because of drama.
Originally wrote all that is going on and it became 5 pages of gibberish, so I just summed up each rant in their own paragraphs.
a combination of flame wars coming out and burning me and some people trying to make me feel bad for things that are really in their heads. It’s not my fault I can’t pick a side on a fight between friends, especially counting that there is conspiracy to outside party members that are left anonymous in the conversation; leading me to believe they are made up. I am not one who encourages the ending of friendships, especially over something as weak as “said words”. It’s petty and I would either advise that you see through it and pick what you truly want, or cut it off and see where you go. I should not become a villain because you made me involved!
Other problems I stress over is me believing some people have misjudged me, stuff both recent and lingering for months to years… I have come to my own conclusion that if these fuckers cared they would have listened to my apologies or spoke to me. I never say sorry without ever meaning it, I admit to my wrongs and wish to improve as a person. If you don’t want to forgive me then I am going to have to just forget you- you are either being cruel or egocentric for running a person in a chase you have no intention to conclude; most everybody who does this think they are above other people and get off the misery of others. I’ve had people who started making it hard for me because I said sorry! So I proudly say, “Fuck you, it was my mistake to consider villains like you to be friends!” I take my salt with limes and tequila, so I can have fun with my life again!!
Also no specific call outs, because A- some situations are just temporary or pathetic, which just need healing in time, and B- some people in these scenarios are personally best left to me to forget ever happened rather than indirectly ask people to attack them.
Despite my anger and frustration, I don’t want to end with people thinking I just hate the world. It’s more to me that I am accepting that growing up involves having to not involve particular individuals; because some are caring, some are aspiring, but some are inconsiderate, self serving or trying to just find others to tear down- Be your own judge and keep no regrets; hatred is toxic and only grows to consume every aspect of your life.
It’s a new life lesson that I don’t need to bother to care about other people, I grew my callus and will start being more callous from this point on, but I still happily thank and support those who’ve supported me and strive to make their own art. No creative energy should be squandered on trying to ruin or harm others-
Work hard to improve, don’t work to make it hard for others to improve! Be an Inspiration!!
and more or less, recognize the genuine good…
…with that said, it’s time I get my commissions done. I am that jackass who did after all say- try not to let your emotions consume your profession (sometimes you just gotta draw)
(In honesty, I am posting this hoping it will make me feel better)