2016- Anxiety, stress, dependencies, suicidal depression

elephant in my life.png

This year has taken a lot out of me. I am left with the damage from the experience of this year and a struggle to reclaim ground in my business as an artist. I can only hope nothing like what happened this year will happen this year, but if sources, facebook rants, and that godforsaken buzzfeed prove something, next year is just going to be a repeat of the problems this year had.

I hate being alive sometimes

Tundra (Orcs Must Die! Unchained) fan art Birthday piece, and me mixing up birth dates


(this is going to be a nightmare to see and final post, posting it from my cell phone)

So originally I had believed I made a error in making a piece of art for a friends birthday. With the termination and I pushed myself to finish his birthday too and I thought originally was a day late… turns out I was a whole week early… And I have to apologize to her friend for missing their’s.

But at least I got myself a watercolor peas done in what feels like an eternity. And the best part is I got it done so I can mail it to them to arrive on their birthday instead. Just living in the irony of getting their birthday wrong and feel like a dumbass, but honestly not the worst thing to screw up.

Oh and the character is Tundra, an anthropomorphic polar bear wielding ice magic to help fight against the horde of orcs in an awesome MMOBA called Orcs Must Die! Unchained (I highly recommend friends check it out, and play sometime)

Doodle dump catch up

I’ve fallen off updating this page, but there are few who still follow me here exclusively that I wish to keep up to date with.

2016 has become the worst year of my life, so many ways that are personal and directly dangerous to my life. But I’m still here in the end and I’m still trying to make art in spite of it. Here are some drawings I didn’t get to upload before…

Lucy Cometh (revision)

Lucy 2016 reconcept edit darkened (72dpi).png

Sat down to redesign my Muse Of Destruction at Mestizo Coffeehouse (Salt Lake City). Good day, still wished I got more done

also I am proud to say I got this to look like scanned quality from just rendering a photograph of the image from my cellphone! I feel like I don’t need a scanner anymore… but I’ll still keep one around, hehehe eh he…

Lucy is created and owned by Matt “Wretneck” Billingsley ©2014

Broken point

I have to admit, going online is becoming a depressing place to be. It’s not that I want to ask others to be positive or fix their emotional state, people need to express how they feel, but I have to admit it’s starting to grind down on my emotional state- I’m an off an on depressed individual, and I usually try to go online to find something to emotionally fix my day. But lately, the internet has just become a source of depression now.
 
I’m at that point where I don’t even want to turn my computer on. Where it’s stated, “the internet is a gateway to distraction, but we have to work with it”, the internet has become my gateway to depression… but I have to work with it.
 
I wish I can just turn away from the internet for a month and just hang out with friends- do some art together, have some conversations, be in the same room to play a game again. I have become nostalgic for the time before I had the internet! Kills me my only interaction these days are with people on facebook or twitter, and that’s if they too are even around to talk, and my art streams just become an open window to people throwing rocks at me; or at least one guy out of 3 who even attend anymore.
 
I’ve officially snapped! I am tired of using the internet for a while!! Until something good, happy, funny, inspirational or even important happens again (for God Sake), I am going to take a time out to focus on the few things that matter to me anymore.